An all new ranking of (fictional) universities
A completely made up league table
One of the criticisms occasionally levelled at league table compliers is that they sometimes discount reality in favour of an easily measurable indicator. Nothing could be further from the truth and the robustness and accuracy of the rankings is now beyond question. But what about the universities they list?
I’ve previously provided a confusing mix of real and fictional universities before and they are often quite hard to distinguish. No such difficulties here though. To counterbalance the harsh realities of the work of the real rankers here’s an entirely made up league table drawn from a large number of imagined realms. Dominated by fictional universities in the US and the UK the list is nevertheless headed by an institution that is literally out of this world.
The following criteria have been considered and discarded: credibility, realism, detail, accuracy, Amazon stars and SSRs. So here is your entirely arbitrary top 25 fictional HE institutions:
- University of Maximegalon
- Wellington College
- University of Christminster
- DuPont University
- Athena College
- Euphoric State University
- Hampden College
- Jocelyn College
- Winesburg College
- Rummidge University
- Lowlands University
- Eastern Arkansas University
- Watermouth University
- Waindell College
- University of Gloucester
- Monsters University
- Burston Central University
- Kirke University
- Sims University
- Starfleet Academy
- Unseen University
- Poppleton University
- Faber College
- Manchester Medlock University
- Felpersham University
Some of these are a bit obscure. A nano degree and spotter’s badge is on offer to the individual who can identify the largest number of these without googling. Put your fictional numbers in the comments below. Also do feel free to object to unfortunate omissions from the top 25.
Originally published on wonkhe.com at /blogs/registrarism-fictional-uni/.
Stephen Rowlstone
Only recognised a handful (7), which is not good. However, Star fleet, Unseen & Poppleton are surely underachieving – Stafleet is the Uni of the Federation, Unseen does magic & Poppleton needs no introduction as the best Uni in the UK.
Robert Ramsay (@MothTwiceborn)
You have left out Miskatonic.
Paul Greatrix
Failed to make top 25 (probably)
perkijay
Where on Earth is Midtown University? Where Doc Connors taught, and the great Peter Parker studied?
perkijay
I absolutely meant Empire State. D’oh
Paul Greatrix
No-one remembers that one…
Steve
You left out the University of Southern North Dakota, the Hoople campus of which Peter Schickele has done so much to make famous.
fechtbuch
Paragon City/Rogue Isles University. City of Heroes had the highest percentage of graduate PCs of any MMORPG.
Paul Greatrix
I’ll have to take your word for this. Still not enough to get them into top 25 though.
fechtbuch
Probably marked down for the neo-nazis raiding the store rooms and the repeated supernatural incursions.
Malcolm Redfellow
https://www.facebook.com/University-of-Gallifrey-159012344134681/
Paul Greatrix
Afraid University of Gallifrey only scrapes into the top 50. Improving over time though.
Stephen Rowlstone
Surely should be number 1 in there own pocket Universe
dougclow
Wot no University of Bums on Seats?
My favourite is my own alma mater, the University of York, which I believe served as a fictional university for many years before it served as a real one.
Paul Greatrix
Harsh
Paul Kleiman
No HE league table is complete without a list of those in the relegation zone. Who’s are the bottom 10 (or 25)? We demand to know. Expect a FOI request
Paul Greatrix
In due course….
Paul Kleiman
*Who are
Mike Ratcliffe
I think I know half of them.
The most heartening prospect is that Lowlands University is doing a lot better than it was in the late 1980s when it was clearly going under.
Paul Greatrix
Lowlands result is arguably the most impressive here.
Mike Ratcliffe
14. Assuming I’ve got my Channel 4 series the right way ’round.
Paul Greatrix
in the lead!
Ted
You missed out the University of Bums on Seats (http://cynicalbastards.com/ubs/) and King’s College Dublin (http://www.kingscollegedublin.org/). And given the David Lodge theme why no University College Limerick?
Paul Kleiman
Here are a few I’ve had dealings with in the past:
Cold Comfort College
Inner State University
University of Waqqa Raqqa
Tumbledown College
Styx University
Vogon Institute of Education
Dawkins College and Seminary
JoW
Wrottesley? Though it was a poly before the end of the binary divide, so disqualified I suppose. Also Lincoln (in the UK) was fictional before it was real.
Paul Greatrix
I can confirm that Wrottesley did not trouble the scorers.
John Clibbens
10 (though some of the others look vaguely familiar…)
Paul Greatrix
10 is pretty good and right up there with the current leader’s “about half”
globalhighered
TukU, Paul! https://www.etsy.com/listing/212558127/vintage-university-tuktoyaktuk-tuk-u?ref=listing_favoriter&atr_uid=66066170
Paul Greatrix
Maybe next year…
dkernohan
Cow Eye Community College. http://coweye.org/cowcountry.htm
Paul Greatrix
Sadly not even on the ranking radar. So unjust. Moo.
dkernohan
I think the revised mission statement will leverage the underlying tensions implicit in the nature of love and community college accreditation. And their Esperanto provision is ranked #16 in the US!
(You should read this book, you’d like it)
Mike Ratcliffe
There’s Sweet Valley University. Apparently there 63 books in the series. So Francine Pascal is probably way ahead as most prolific campus fiction writer…
http://www.randomhouse.com/sweetvalley/svu.html
Paul Greatrix
I’m like, OMG!
Paul Inman
I identified all 25. A pure work of fiction.
Eoin O'Dell
This was very entertaining. I thoroughly enjoyed working out which ones I knew, which ones I ought to have known, and which were unknown unknowns. As for gaps, if I might be permitted a Dublin-based effort, there’s King’s College Dublin, invented by Eilís Dillon for “Death in the Quadrangle” (1956), and appropriated by her son Cormac Ó Cuilleanáin, writing as Cormac Millar, for “The Grounds” (2006).
Here are some links:
Dillon http://www.amazon.com/Death-Quadrangle-Morgue-Classic-Mysteries/dp/1601870442/
Millar http://www.amazon.com/The-Grounds-Book-Cormac-Millar/dp/1844880273
and http://www.cormacmillar.com/
Kings http://www.kingscollegedublin.org/
Paul Greatrix
Fantastic! Thank you for these (sadly outside the top 25) institutions
KMAG85
There should be a Fantasy Uni Premier Lge, could be sponsored by a dodgy bank. With 25 ‘teams’ in it though, several will have to relegated at the end of the season, Fantasy Uni College status.
Paul Greatrix
We’ll struggle to find a dodgy bank.
Craig D
My favourite fictional institution is The University of Please Yourself, California.
Eric Idle appeared as Stanley J. Krammerhead III, Jr, their Visiting Professor of Applied Narcotics, in the classic Beatle spoof ‘All You Need Is Cash’ (see http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077147)
Paul Greatrix
That is an outstanding name for a university!
Alice B
I can’t believe Fibchester didn’t get a mention…
Paul Greatrix
Didn’t even make the top 100
Helen Matthews
Does the Daystrom Institute count?
Paul Greatrix
It counts. Just not enough to make into top 50 though. Suspect it is too specialised to impact on the rankings
Paul Greatrix
Late entry (sadly overlooked) Sunnydale: http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/University_of_California,_Sunnydale
Alison Hebborn
Thought Gloucester was real, my son managed to scam me for 3 years
Paul Greatrix
That really made me laugh!
Maguire
Really disappointed that Maguire University didn’t make this list as its gone through lots of hoops and has a real bounce..
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maguire_University
David Maguire
Paul Greatrix
I can only apologise for this appalling oversight.
Simon
University of Woolloomooloo should figure in the philosophy discipline rankings list.
Beverley Jones
Lincoln was fictional in the book, but real for the film (Possession)
Pam Davies
After a conversation in the bar at the Academic Archers conference (http://www.academicarchers.net/) I remembered a half-written draft and have now added to Wikipedia the “List of fictional British and Irish universities”. Thanks for some of the ideas here!